::Episod muhasabah diri::

It’s been a long silence, huh. Not that I am so busy, but this few weeks is some kind of ‘muhasabah diri’ week. Too many things happened that make me thought and wondered. Most of the time, truly, it was hurt but the most hurt-est part, it is true. That made me felt like I am not independent enough.

First time being tortured, (sorry dear, it wasn’t really tortured la sebenarnye pun..hehe.gimmick je) Tuesday night, he visited me at Subang. We had our dinner and like always, time to borak2 and cerite2. Kate orang, dengan yang tersayang, cerite aje la ape saje, aku pon cite la. Itu ini itu ini. Aduhh, pedih menusuk ati la nasihat nye.

I told him, I don’t have friends at work. I tend to be lone ranger at office. Then the torturing episode started. Aku mengaku je semuenye, sebab memang betul pon. I thought I am brave enough..survivor abes a konon Firstly, alahai sedihnye, betul a ape awak cakap. That moment feeling like to cry. Yess, truly, the best criticizer is others. How hurt the feeling was pun, I have to admitted that I am truly blank and blur of my working environment. I don’t have any curiosity to ask, I sort of not prepared to be in the adult world. Still feeling like I am university student who still needs to be guided and taught. Sorry, younger graduates, I let people evaluate you guys badly.

The day after that, I was trying my very best to start to react towards the criticism.muahaha.skema sehh.I try to be curios (some times buat2 jugak la)..tanye itu ini. But, still, to change drastically surely not, so I try to change slowly. Changing for good, hopefully ok. Pray for me.

Saturday, a new exec who reported a month late than me asked for RM1.

”Aku nak pegi beli air, kat machine”

“Kat mane?”

“Kat pantry…ko tak tau? tak pernah masuk plant ke?”

Man, teruk kan aku. Aduss, rase nak nangis lagi nih. Apsal aku nih? I remembered him saying, "kalo keje dah berbulan tapi ape pon xtau, awak keje ke ape tu.." oitt, die bukan kate aku a. tapi takut gak nanti aku camtuh.

camne korang? ade x korang macam aku?