#*~loVeVilLe~*#

.:Insaf:.

It has been a while I am planning to write about this. How am I touched by a true story that is so close to me. And how stupid am I for being so dumb foolish of mourning!

FIRMAN Allah s.w.t dalam surah An-Nisa’ayat 78 yang bermaksud: Di mana sahaja kamu berada, kematian akan mendapatkan kamu, walaupun di dalam benteng-benteng yang tinggi lagi kukuh.

Dan sesungguhnya kematian itu menginsafkan…

Al-fatihah.

Tanggal 5 Apr 2008, perginya seorang bapa dan suami, En Mohammad Firwance bin Basri. Beliau merupakan tutor saya ketika berada di UPM. Mengingatkan kembali beliau, saya kira kami bukanlah rapat, tapi sekadar mengenali. Maka, dia hanyalah seorang tutor dan guru kepada saya. Namun, selepas mendapat berita kemalangan dan pemergian beliau, saya kira beliau akan terus kekal sebagai guru di sepanjang hidup saya.

Rentetan perjalanan hidup beliau tidak pernah saya ikuti, namun, setelah pemergian beliau, saya betul-betul belajar mengenai perpisahan dan kehilangan. Mengenali apa eri cinta yang sebenarnya.

Ok, let me be frank, saya pernah kehilangan cinta. And, I am still grieving. How weak I am!

Dan saya betul-betul insaf, apabila mengenali kehidupan arwah selepas pemergian beliau. Beliau meninggalkan seorang balu dan 2 anak kecil yang masih belum mengenali apa-apa. Dan, setiap baris ayat dalam fotopages ini menuntut air mata saya.

Dan, saya insaf.Saya mungkin kehilangan cinta dan bersedih, namun, saya tak dapat membayangkan betapa saya akan menangisi jika saya berada di tempat balu arwah. Mungkin, inilah hikmahnya Allah memberi saya pengalaman merasai betapa pedihnya kehilangan itu, namun Allah berikan pengajaran terhebat ini kepada saya. Saya hanya kehilangan cinta, tapi balu beliau kehilangan cinta, teman akrab dan suami tempat bergantung.

Redha lah saya dengan kehilangan cinta saya itu. Dan saya berdoa Allah terus memberikan kekuatan buat Pn. Erna dan 2F dalam mengharungi kehidupan ini.

Ampunkan saya dalam kealpaan menangisi kesedihan, saya telah lupa dengan sunnatullah mu ya Allah.

.:Mode - merapu:.

Haha..it's seem like nothing much to story about. It's just that I have the mood to get back back blogging while doing some surfing on cook-chilled (my latest project). This is not a specific entry that I planned to..it's just me craving to write craps in here..

Hugh!! *sigh*. bored. wondered. excited. missing. lost.
All these feelings are surrounding me now.

It's now exactly a month after reporting to new place. Mummy complained on the phone last nite. She recalled back my 1st workinghood where I cried everytime she called/I called and she start comparing to where I am now. I just replied with a big grin..and a loud laugh. If only she knew all of these smiles are inspired by them – mak, abah, Ila and adek. I’ll prove to them all that I won’t cry anymore. This is what I am going to do, for the sake of future and family.

The new batch of ROs are all already registered. There are 12 of us, including me. My new circles of friends. All guys except my so-called driver, Fida. We are so far going well with each other probably because some of them I already knew since my uni years. But, this place unites us back and starts befriending with every one.

Ra-ya-nun-dal-wau. It has been months. I just could not bear some of the memories. Even I promised to myself to avoid of thinking them all. Sometimes, the tears are shedding down spontaneously. I just realized when they drop on my hands. It’s weird feeling. When it used to be the very best moment turned to be a nightmare to remember. When used to be our dearest but should be the enemy. Mr. Enemy. Mr E.

I remembered Anem said on our last gathered at Secret Recipe, “soon you’ll hate him..”

I just realized how soft hearted I can be after this things are all happened. I am not evil enough to refer him as Mr E. Mr probably E. haha. At the moment, I must say.

I just discovered my inner true self. Yup, it’s very true. The experience taught you to be more matured. And the more you walk through the journey, the more you’ll discover about yourself. But the very true, is a message from a very caring fren, “the opposite of love is not hatred, but does not care”

Reviewing back every words that is written here, I felt this was very disheartening entry. Oh, cipz, come on! This is not the ends of life!

“Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan;”kami telah beriman,”sedangkan mereka tidak diuji?(2) Dan sesungguhnya kami telah menguji orang-orang yang sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui orang-orang yang benar dan sesungguhnya dia mengetahui orang-orang yang dusta(3)”
Surah Al Ankabut : 2-3

Apakah kamu mengira bahwa kamu akan masuk surga, padahal belum datang kepadamu (cobaan) sebagaimana halnya orang-orang terdahulu sebelum kamu? Mereka ditimpa oleh malapetaka dan kesengsaraan, serta digoncangkan (dengan bermacam-macam cobaan) sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman bersamanya: "Bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah?" Ingatlah, sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu amat dekat.
Surah Al Bakarah:124

: A beautiful mind:.

He Saw The World In A Way No One Could Have Imagined.

                                             

It has been a while I am not updating this blog. Just got some nerve (and time and space too!) to jot down and scribbling my thoughts here.

My mind started to construct the words after I watched a movie- A beautiful mind. A piece of artwork from Ron Howard and played by Russel Crowe and Jennifer Connely. I am actually a fan of very light weight movie – comedy romantic, slapstick even, romance etc. etc. which I thought it is worth to sit down in movie and laugh rather that sitting for two hours and thinking. Because my movie time is always just to relax and enjoy movie only. I prefer watching a very inspirational and heavy-weight-movie at a very cozy plaze (at home, on a couch :). Back to this very inspirational beautiful mind, I know it years before, and I know it was actually worth story to watch but never had the time and to watch until the movie was shown last Saturday in TV3 cinema.

 A beautiful mind was a story of a genius – Prof John Nash. I just learned that it was base from true story. Then, I started the research on Prof John Nash, Nobel Prize winner. He was schizophrenia and a genius! We know that how schizophrenia mind is. They have the story played only in their mind which normal person cannot see. They have delusion in their mind. He has three people in his mind, William Parcher, the instructor who asked him to decipher codes, Charles, his best friend since high school and the daughter, Marcee. This three people is freely lingering in his mind until he finally realize that he actually really have delusion. The demolishing of this three people was a damn hard for him. But, with wife as Alicia, who was there while he suffering from delusions and withstand his weirdly acting in public, he survived in neglecting his delusion. He never able to demolish them, they are still there. However, what was so beautiful of this genius and schizophrenic mind is, he still excellent in his field and yet still see those people. His words that touched me the most (I already put a simpler words of mine); “They are my past. I still see them, but I survive in avoiding them”

There comes my 2008 resolution – I may not be able of forgetting my past but if I able to avoid of thinking of them, I can reach success. As I felt 2007 was really a year of tears, I would like to leave all those things there, avoiding them and fly..up..up..high. Wish me luck, pals!

 

P/s: Start listing 2008 resolutions!

 

 

 

 

.:It has been a year:.

I spending my time to read other people blogs today. Saturday is my lazy day. So usually rush finishing all the works and start me 'lagha'. Ahha. I read from one blog to one blog. From shera to K Tuty, to Shoe, to mizah, echah, denise, k yati che ya and sume2 laaa. Rilly. How could they consistently writes? Haha, then I noticed, lergh dh bersawang rupenye my abondoned-blog ni. It's been a year. almost a year gap from my last entry. Okey2, cik cipah, start back again. Boleh kan?

The one-year-accidently-gap. Soo many things happened. Cannot recall anymore. Let it be. Sometimes, bile fikir2 aduih. I hope I could turn back time. Haha. Impossible la kan. Nak betul kan yang itu, nak cepat kan yang ini. Nak tarik balik yang tercakap, nak cakap ape yang I should say it earlier. Huh! Tapi it was just xmungkin la kan.

Even though Saturday is my lazy-day, heheh actually my most lazy day, tapi since Mr Boss is off, I always has to attend supplier. Huh, big different kan? My last year entry kindof blur2 of my job description. Sad, sad and sad. Haha. Still sad, but no more feeling left out..lonely. But, starting August, I faced a nightmare sket, another sad but manageable. Haha, manageable? Those who rilly know will know how manageable d situation. From 0 to UCF, SER bearing, needle bearing laa..co link la, offset laa. Sometimes rase mcm purchaser je. From big2 spare parts to the tiniest thing. Paling pening, bile salah order! Aduhhh..

Ok, since Syawal just beginning, and still in Syawal mood, SELAMAT HARI RAYA. MAAF ZAHIR BATIN. from the bottom of my heart. Here's some pic mase beraye semalam ke rumah Nadia Ain. Malam2 beraye, Nadia Ain dh blah ke Terengganu today at 10am. Have a safe journey! Tido je dlm bas tuh ;) Thanks for d nice mee goreng ( Lizasue mkn byk gile) and great host your mum especially and family.

 

p/s: Mr Bad grinny, update on your engagement ceremony?

.:am I?:.

Ya Allah…have u guys ever feeling this way? Me? I feel it almost every day! Especially in this though six month

When you turn around, nobody next to you..

When you need comfort, no one there to comfort you..

When you need some encouragement, no one is available for you..

When you feel like talking, no one is there to listen to you..

When you feel like crying, no one is bother to care for you..

And the ‘saddest’ part,

When you feel like missing someone, badly need someone, so u texted someone and you do not get any reply..

Then, you will know, how lonely is this world……….

::Not yet grateful?::

Terase cepat sangat mase berlalu kan..kalau bace entry2 before ni memang dah terlalu lame rasenye meninggalkan semua ni..rase nye baru ade kesempatan ade cerita, baru boleh tulis blog.

In a few weeks time we are going to celebrate AIDIL ADHA and straight with new year. How fast the clock ticking! Seems like just few hours past I write the entry for the new year and now, another year is coming…cepatnye mase berlalu. Betul lah org2 tue kate, pejam celik pejam celik dah tua…

Well, 13 dec will be my 6 months of working. Half year of study and half year of working. Hm, I seems not realizing that my life changing this fast..While others keep on waiting for jobs, sending resumes and those sort of things, I am here working..even though is not what I really want to, at least I’m working. Is that a selfish statement? Sorry guys. It is just that, truly, may be some people correct when saying, that I’m not thankful enough.

Looking back for all the path that I went through,.I realized. Allah had given me so many things but I’m still unsatisfied. Allah placed me to be in good school, even though I’m not really a brilliant students but as Cikgu Ros said muke brilliant kan? (haha, my SSP girls remember? 3J 1998) noo la. I’m an ordinary je dulu. Masuk matrix and masuk UPM, with the course that I selected by myself. Berapa ramai yg masuk ngn kene lelong mase tuh kan?? Hm, and yet before convocation, I got job…I am not thankful enough. Surely.

Sorry guys if u think this is a very ‘snobbish’ entry..it is actually some kind of SWOT analysis and muhasabah diri gak a ni.. k guys, till we met again in d next entry!

Have fun and enjoy life while last!

::Episod muhasabah diri::

It’s been a long silence, huh. Not that I am so busy, but this few weeks is some kind of ‘muhasabah diri’ week. Too many things happened that make me thought and wondered. Most of the time, truly, it was hurt but the most hurt-est part, it is true. That made me felt like I am not independent enough.

First time being tortured, (sorry dear, it wasn’t really tortured la sebenarnye pun..hehe.gimmick je) Tuesday night, he visited me at Subang. We had our dinner and like always, time to borak2 and cerite2. Kate orang, dengan yang tersayang, cerite aje la ape saje, aku pon cite la. Itu ini itu ini. Aduhh, pedih menusuk ati la nasihat nye.

I told him, I don’t have friends at work. I tend to be lone ranger at office. Then the torturing episode started. Aku mengaku je semuenye, sebab memang betul pon. I thought I am brave enough..survivor abes a konon Firstly, alahai sedihnye, betul a ape awak cakap. That moment feeling like to cry. Yess, truly, the best criticizer is others. How hurt the feeling was pun, I have to admitted that I am truly blank and blur of my working environment. I don’t have any curiosity to ask, I sort of not prepared to be in the adult world. Still feeling like I am university student who still needs to be guided and taught. Sorry, younger graduates, I let people evaluate you guys badly.

The day after that, I was trying my very best to start to react towards the criticism.muahaha.skema sehh.I try to be curios (some times buat2 jugak la)..tanye itu ini. But, still, to change drastically surely not, so I try to change slowly. Changing for good, hopefully ok. Pray for me.

Saturday, a new exec who reported a month late than me asked for RM1.

”Aku nak pegi beli air, kat machine”

“Kat mane?”

“Kat pantry…ko tak tau? tak pernah masuk plant ke?”

Man, teruk kan aku. Aduss, rase nak nangis lagi nih. Apsal aku nih? I remembered him saying, "kalo keje dah berbulan tapi ape pon xtau, awak keje ke ape tu.." oitt, die bukan kate aku a. tapi takut gak nanti aku camtuh.

camne korang? ade x korang macam aku?

::when a girl/guy miss you::

Girl facts:

When a girl misses u, she's afraid to see how your
new girl looks, she's dreading the fact that u r not hers any more

When u break a girls’ heart, she still feels it when
bumping heads 3 years later

When a girl just stares deep into your eyes,

she's HOPING that you r hers and only hers

(it shows how much she cares: eyes never lie)

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine, " after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays her head on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.

When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says, "I'll love you forever, "
she means it.

When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you, "
no one in this world can miss you more than that

Guy Facts:
When a guy calls u
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few minutes,
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him and wonders
if you do?

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest
he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love

When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till you r done

When a guy says, "I miss you, "
he misses you more than you could have ever
missed him or anything else

How sweet, kan? Hmm, nothing much to post pun, at least I have something to share. Posted by erin, thanx laa erinchunk!

K guys, gotta go..nothing much else to share

::good actress, pretending::

Currently, i'm in the office, pretending got so much work, but actually, buzying myself blogging...heheh, muke keep on serious..steady jer.siap kerut2 lagi weih :p

Uhuh, forget the greetings part..Assalamualaikum!!! (*reminder:akum dah xboleh digunakan, ingat x yg 4wd2 kn email tu?)

Hm, let me clarify to Anem, ikut kan ati sape la yang nak idup sendiri kan tibe2 je.tapi aku kene a tabah kan ati.kate GIRL's Power!!!! :)

Baru je start keje, suddenly I was attacked by chicken pox virus!5 days straight MC..hm,it was began just as a normal fever, then I spotted few blisters, which look alike cam Lizasue dulu la (heheh, I burst the name who infected me with the virus..disengajakan :p) but then, when, morning time nak g keje, feeling like okay je, so, I let it silenced je.After few days, I spotted that the blisters got more and more.99.9% this is chicken pox!base from experienced la. so, I worked till friday, told my boss that I am probably infected by those virus, and that night, Lizasue fetched me at Subang. That night also we straight to Hospital Serdang...then, I got my 5 days MC. The next day, I got the high fever, and then on Monday back to my hometown laaa...

How heaven to be home...

tapi xlame, Doc kate I dah sehat after 5 days of MC. malas nak layan. keje je laa...

K a guys, I suppose I penat dah pretending like workaholic, so, gotta go! jangan contohi aku la..

p/s: Azie, harap2 makin sihat ye.rajin2 ikut cakap doktor tau.Yuyu, selamat bertunang ;p

::Life just begin::

It’s been my 2nd week of working..for those do not know, I am currently working in Havi Food (M) Sdn Bhd, Subang Jaya. As requested by Lizasue, let me announced, I am no longer living with her!! So, my SSP frenz especially, kitorang dah tak berkepit lagi dah la!!! J I already moved to SS13, Subang Jaya almost 2 weeks jugak la.

My 1^st night at Subang Jaya:

-         bringing all things (not exactly, but I have 1 big bag and 2 othermore bags clunging to my rifht and left shoulders..not to forget, wif komuter and bus!

-         What a tiring and nervous day, but I finally managed to get there…ALONE!

-         I started to feel lonely..so lonely

-         Mak called, I burst into tears..so as when abah called

-         Especially, when HE called……..L

Tears keep coming and running heavily dat nite. Siannye la..anak sape la tu?

Followed by next, next and next, finally I can adapt with the situation..yeah, truly loneliness still haunting me, but, LIFE JUST BEGIN, kan?

Working? Stacks of file to be read..I thought no more readings…..

I guess this is the place where I should convey my acknowledgement…so here it goes:

-         Mak & Abah and surely, Ila and Adik. Hmm, kalo takde family, I don’t think I manage to be this strong..

-         My dear, for always encouraging me, pampered me and never get bored with my ‘cembengness’—you’re my man! (U don’t have the choice pun kan? J)

-         Not to forget, Iwan, a friend who make himself free one whole evening, just to accompany a friend like me. Thanx En manager! Goodluck for your Cinta Agung Iwan-Adha!

-         Lizasue, we’re apart but friendship remains, huh?

-         Nadia Ain, who voluntarily help me to find a room but unfortunately, we didn’t find one..

-         Eventually, Zura si rebonding, heheh, thanx Zur, for helping me to find room. Jasamu dikenang. Mende2 cam ni memang ko je leh buat tau!

Finally, pray for me, for everything, for works, pray so that I am tough enuff  in venturing a new section of life.

P/s: Happy Engagement Day to Zarinawati-Syed Alwi. Sorry aku tak dapat datang. Aku datang wedding korang la ye..